Conditioning through our lives is the topic of this week’s newsletter. We can look at that conditioning and learn how to make positive changes.
Parenting and being parented is hard. There are no instructions handed out and all parents including our own have their own bag of rocks. This is not to say we can’t unpack it and discard the ones that don’t work. This is more about our present life and how we function in it.
I have always known that our upbringing is highly influential in how we develop. The things we didn’t like about our childhood are the things we say “we” will never say, do, act like or become. Can you relate? I know I can.
Life goes along and before we know it we are entering into careers, perhaps marriages, having babies, raising teens. Some will experience divorce, death or live in unhealthy relationships. How we feel and act changes as we move through these life events.
What we thought was ridiculous when we were younger seems to creep into our lives without notice until one day we say, “Omg, I sound like my Mother (or Father)! This is when our idealism of our youth meets real life frustrations with no other frame of reference except what has been previously experienced.
This is not to say that our ideology of what we would do differently is wrong. It just hasn’t been fully formulated, explored and put into play. In the heat of the moment when we are shockingly “there” already and we haven’t developed alternative methods, we default to what we know. We are human. You may not like it AND it is normal.
So herein lies a bit of a dilemma. Do we take the time to get curious about our past, re-train our brain to have different responses or continue bumping along?
When I’ve looked back and revisited what I didn’t like about my childhood, I realized I didn’t know how to change it. Everytime I tried, I would end up defaulting back to old conditioning. I was aware but truly had no idea how to make changes stick or more importantly use them in the heat of the moment. I knew they didn’t serve me and I felt helpless.
This is when blame and anger can step up to the plate. It is easy to blame as it defers all responsibility to someone else. Not accepting any of the responsibility to change because it isn’t your doing or your fault is where this is keeping you stuck.
Often when people are stuck and feeling helpless they just want to “feel’ good. This is where many turn to food, alcohol, drugs and more to escape those feelings. These types of options are often addictive and may lead to many more problems on top of the original reason for escaping. The vicious circle begins and life gets harder. Even without substances entering into the picture, people want to change and feel better. These changes are absolutely possible!
Childhood conditioning is not our fault. Many things in life aren’t ALTHOUGH it is our responsibility to make choices for change. With this new knowledge and these new practices you will create healthier habits for a happier life.
If you are ready for change, book a free 45 minute confidential discovery call and see if personal coaching is for you. www.levelupcoaching.ca
With much respect and kindness,
Michelle Nesbitt,
TNM Certified Coach. TIR Facilitator. Reiki Practitioner.